Jokes About Doctors

医生

1. "I don't like your heart action," the doctor said, applying a stethoscope again. "You have had some trouble with angina pectoris, haven't you?"
"You're right in a way, Doctor," said the young man sheepishly, "only that isn't her name."

2. John:"Doctor, lately I hear only half as good as I suppose to".
Doctor:"I don't understand that, but lets try a small test. Say after me: eighty-eight".
John: "Fourty-four".

3. Doctor:　I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor:　The lab called with your test results.　They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS!　That's terrible!!　WHAT could be WORSE?　What's the very bad news?
Doctor:　I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

4. A guy with a banana in his nose, a cucumber in his left ear, and a carrot in his right ear goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, what is wrong with me"? The doctor says, "You're not eating right".

5. Doctor - "Deep breathing, you understand, destroys microbes."
Patient - "But, doctor, how can I force them to breathe deeply?"

6. A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."
The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"
The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts."
The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!"

7. A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor,
Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive." "Be quiet, "said the wife. "The doctor knows better than you!"

8. Doctor: Please open your mouth, madam.
Lady: Thank you very much, doctor.
Doctor: Why do you thank me?
Lady: Because my husband always asked me to shut up.